Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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