OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dick very happy bro
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
