remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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