If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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