she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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