im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
