dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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