Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
