be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
