i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
