A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
