So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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