it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
