Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
