he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
