So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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