Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
