Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
