Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Damn victory sex feels great
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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