Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this will be a night to untag.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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