Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
