literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
