Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
