Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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