Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
