If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
