how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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