and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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