I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
