yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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