Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
