I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
