YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
