My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
