Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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