i already hear my dad disowning me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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