is your mom at the bar?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
