Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
