Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
