Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
