i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
