On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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