I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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