I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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