I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
