we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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