Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is classic penis vs brain.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
