went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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