I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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