never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
