so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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