I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
