Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
