apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
