they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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